Day 2

Well our first proper day in Holland and we visited the red light district in Amsterdam, almost immediately the day began to unravel. Before I go on I must mention that some time ago I had mentioned to Sheila that we had to fill in a dietary requirement for the welcome dinner, knowing that she was allergic to beef. She airily brushed me off saying they wont have beef on the menu. I simply assumed that as a member of the British Empire, she was all knowing.

 

Anyway back to the red light district, Sheila camera in hand disappeared down a narrow alleyway to examine a number of windows behind which various ladies were plying their trade. I thought better of it and turned away, almost immediately a howling turmoil emanated from the alleyway. I was engulfed in a terrible foreboding, sheepishly peeping around the corner my worst fears were confirmed. I was confronted by the fearsome sight of a rather large chested lady in a disturbingly skimpy bikini grappling with Sheila apparently attempting to wrest the camera from her grasp. From the large ladies heavily accented English pitted with expletives that would have make a docker blush it became apparent that she was accusing Sheila of taking a photo of her.

 

I observed this rather unequal struggle for some minutes with a morbid fascination. A large crowd had meanwhile gathered and one enterprising Spanish tourist started to take odds on the outcome. Eventually Sheila brought the encounter to an end with a sharp tug on her camera strap followed by what I can only describe as the Amsterdam quick step out of the alleyway to the sounds of cheering from the crowd and a desultory glare from the Spaniard who had obviously taken heavy odds on the large lady. Sheila valiantly attempting to maintain a modicum of dignity brushed her hair back in place and strode off. As the cheering and applause faded I attempted to bask little in the reflected glory by turning to the crowd and saying “she’s an MBE you know!” Just to clarify Sheila was in fact seeking the best position to take a picture of a statute dedicated to those women behind the window’s not the windows themselves! However, after that rather unfortunate event, we were fortunate enough to see St Nicholas arriving into Holland to prepare for the 5th December, which is when the children receive their Christmas Presents, a really fabulous parade with 1000’s turning out to see it.

 

In the afternoon, we visited a voluntary sector organization that offers support to the women; it’s a fascinating mix of legal and illegal sex work in Amsterdam obviously complicated by the tourists it also brings in to the city. So it was great to see the work this project was involved in.

 

On returning to the Hotel, Sheila informed me that we would be gathering in the lobby at 6.40 pm I started to say that this left me less than an hour to unpack (as I had been moved out of my room that morning) she then proceeded to lecture me on the selfishness of men in general and me in particular, needless to say I knew I was to be on time.

 

I arrived 5 minutes late, sliding into the lobby trying to look like I had been there for ages I saw all the other delegates but no Sheila, expelling a large sigh of relief I began to relax. At 6.55 the others asked me if I knew where Sheila was, I offered to give her door a knock. As her room door opened I was confronted by the sight of her clad only in a wrap around towel looking down her nose with an expression that said why are you bothering me, go away, in fact she simple snapped “What!” It began to dawn on me that all my birthdays and Christmas’s had come at once. I said, “Do you know what the time is?” “What do you mean of course I do I’ve just looked at my clock” she replied. I could hear her bath running in the background, I was getting really excited now, I said, “its 6.55 everyone is waiting for you and we are very late”. I watched as the facade of her face began to crumble as reality dawned on her, the water dripping from her towel hit the floor with the noise of the death throes of a crashing iceberg. “ I guess we’ll have to see you there then” I said, I walked towards the lobby as if I was walking on imported air. “Sheila will join us there” I said to the waiting group, “is she ill?” someone asked. “No just a little soggy” I replied stepping jauntily out of the hotel into the cool night air.

 

Our dinner was held at the very grand City Hall building and hosted by the Major of The Hague. What a stunning setting for a fantastic dinner, although when Sheila finally arrived at the dinner it was to find that our main course was a rather raw slab of best Dutch beef! I couldn’t resist it, I leaned over to her in in my most since and concerned voice said, “Is that beef Sheila”
There was just the faintest of twitches below her left eye. There is a moral in here somewhere I’m sure. Anyway it was an evening of great company and a lovely atmosphere. Looking forward to what the rest of the week will bring….

 

Mike Hand, our foreign correspondent somewhere in the Low Countries